Memories of you feel like the first sip of filter coffee on a cold winter morning, the kind that sting yet soothe me at the same time. I begin my days with a tiring run, top it up with the filter coffee you always picked over chai, and light my first cigarette of the day, as I try to escape your voice, as usual asking me to quit. I hear your giggles in my head, as I make another futile attempt to let the smoke cloud every memory I have of you.
Our friendship had a lot more to it than what met others’ eyes. Behind all those blurry gaming nights, cricket matches and long bike rides, I hid a piece of my heart, for you to shelter forever. You are unlike anyone I’ve ever known. Tenderly soft and timid on the outside, yet stronger than the fiercest warrior on the inside. As the day goes by, I try to fill your void with cheap whiskey, and catch myself drowning in memories of your curly brown hair, your glistening hazel eyes and your infectious smile.
I stare out the window and glance at the dimly lit gulley below, which reminds me of the one back home, that we fondly called our adda. I remember how each night under the sky, as the light of the stars gave us company, we shared everything in that gulley. Our first coffee, our first secret, our first beer, our first kiss.
You were the stronger one, even though you’d always tell me otherwise. It was your strength that helped you accept your reality and get through tough nights, flooded with your own tears. But that never stopped you from fighting for you who are. I, on the other hand, just chose to run away, like the coward that I am. You begged me to stay, but I couldn’t. A town so small with minds even smaller, was no place for me to grow.
I take another puff, as I scroll through my phone again, waiting for the text or call from you that hasn’t come in three years. You probably think about me once in a while, with a heart full of contempt. I think about you alot too, especially on nights like these when I see two young boys in a gulley, sipping beer and laughing under the stars in each other’s company. I miss my best memory, my best kiss, my best boyfriend. But most of all, I miss my best friend.