Rectangles

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

One glance at my phone,
And an array of overwhelming sights
Fill me with envy and despair.
The pep talk about happily being alone
That I gave myself last night
After another round of meaningless encounters
With frivolous men online
Flies out the window in a jiffy
When I look at all these beautiful girls
With equally handsome men
In their perfectly happy lives,
Through these rectangles.

How do they so effortlessly manage
To not loathe themselves
Every minute of every day
I wonder as I scroll further
Through a myriad of faces
Glowing with peace and joy,
And a four second stare in the mirror
Leaves me bawling my eyes out
For the fifth time in three days
As I yearn for the same joy
That I see these people basking in,
Through these rectangles.

My introspective mood kicks in
As I start to count all my flaws
In a list that seems to go on forever.
For a mind that’s smart enough
To figure out everything wrong with myself,
It’s ironic how I never happen to notice
The smallest good inside me
And all the things I’m blessed with
When that’s all I see in these strangers,
Through these rectangles.

An hour of mindless scrolling
And a shame tub of ice-cream later,
I manage to lift myself up again
After the weight of these happy faces
Drown me so deep in a pit of sorrow,
That any escape seems impossible.
Wiping my lonely, pitiful tears
I sigh, and with crossed fingers I press download again
Embarking on another hopeful lookout,
For a stranger to drive my loneliness away,
Through these rectangles.