I found myself

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A conflict between living and just passing the days, was always to stay.
So, I trusted the happenings, eventually, I have found myself,
Only though precariously I surrendered to my unfiltered version.
When our dreams are young, they fly, with access only to grit and undying stubbornness.
Not having an inkling of stepping down from the pedestal of their aspirations.
Soon, to be awakened by the alarms of reality, they halt at the doorstep of survival.
Anxious verity that suffocated enough under the layers of fervent lies.
Now through deliberation, is ready to be expressed and unverified truths served as lessons when they turned into repercussions.
Later, while transforming into existence, fragility, not fragile enough in impact, was deducted to its dismal.
Surreal melancholia administering its gloom wrapped guidance, to stand up every time I fall.
Every part of me evolved with every minute change occurred and observed.


I knew who I was, once,
before your fingertips stained my soul.
I’ve been veiled by your shadow,
hidden behind your cruel smile,
forgotten in the void you made for me.
But I found myself
In this honeysuckle scented spring,
your blood splashing stark against white hydrangeas,
released, finally, from your tyranny.


Was lost amidst the rubble
of life’s nightmare amidst
haunting questions,heart break
that trapped my very being,
my sanity steering me to despair,
lose my footing as i searched
answers in whirlpool of a soul
that eddied back to bottomless
recesses caused, messed by you;
And in this rage i found myself
scrambling to grab anything that
grew beside. Wanna live again.



I sat in my room behind the closed doors,
Cut off from my loved ones and all the household chores.
A tiny virus had insidiously entered my being,
But I knew I would have to soon send it fleeing.

Staring at the walls and the psychedelic TV screen,
Had me slowly turn into an ungainly colour of slimy green.
My till then avoided laptop stared accusingly at me from its corner,
Finally, I sat in front of it like a sheep ready to be slaughtered.

But then, in this claustrophobic scene an amazing miracle occurred,
My mind and deep buried somewhere within me, my creativity were of its cobwebs cleared.
Words burst forth and soon a poem blinked at me from the screen,
I had finally found myself and beat the cursed flu by a lightning jolt to my imaginative streak!


Among the trials and tribulations of my own heart
Exiled in the cage of my thoughts
It was the most inscrutable situation of my life
Am I a mere vulnerable human being with no identity of my own
The darkness soared high and engulfed the plane of my heart
Stumbled upon the castle of my inner peace
A turning point in the humdrum of life
Hearing the mellifluous song of my own soul
A sudden glow of happiness dawned upon me
Uncovered and met my original self
Let my inner wilderness flourish and thrive
It was the beginning of a beautiful albeit uncertain journey!


I have found myself
A brand new entity
Who had been lost for eternities
in superfluous courtesies
in pleasing others
and keeping myself in the least priority.
This went on till one fine day
I heard a stifled scream coming from deep within
I could no longer ignore it
So, I pulled her out from the dungeons of self-depreciation
And I discovered it was me, gasping for breath
dying a slow death….. But not anymore
because now I know
My first obligation lies with me.


As I shatter the gilded cage
And unleash the suppressed rage
All my emotions are now unfurled
And I have found myself in this world
Shedding all the inhibitions away
Gradually keeping the stress at bay
I am carving a new ME
Who is trying to be carefree
In this new avatar of mine
One day I will surely shine


Lost in the crowd 
Like a swarm  of sheep 
Following  the herd
Like life with burdened heaps
Chaos within me wasn’t easy to seize 
For words never  fall out 
as I stammer and freeze 
Few white sheets and an ink pen 
Became my soul companion 
As i went on to express 
When the nib touched  it’s smooth surface
I knew I have found  myself


I have found myself
Have I really?
The journey seems rather long
Fraught with self doubt and fear

Have I really?
I keep asking myself
Fraught with self doubt and fear
I continue to seek

I keep asking myself
No clear answer in sight
I continue to seek
Closer to the path of self realisation

No clear answer in sight
But I don’t lose hope
Closer to the path of self realization
I have found myself



Bordered by vulnerable emotions that were blurred
I peeped into my heart to explore a bit of me
Sieving the negativity and expectations of others
Look what an amazing person filled with loving aplomb I found
Bubbling with ambrosial surreal joys
Crushing my fears, I looked for positive vibrations
To finally see perceptive winds of change
Shedding the extra baggage off my heart
I swayed like a leaf across the aisles
Bouncing silently sans anxieties I ‘ve found myself.


It’s over a decade now
That I stopped
Working for a corporation.
On my retirement day
I felt relieved
From a life of slavery
And started following
My heart and
Pursuing my passions.
Finally I can proclaim
I’ve found myself


Waking up to a journey of never ending glitches
Pushing and Pulling away the obstacles
Making my way through the interfering opinions
Ruminating with persistent solutions
Beaten and Bruised with judgements
Mindless of the numerous verdicts
When I think I’ve found myself,
Here I am facing yet another challenge
Ready to make my way through the endless search.


In the flapping of the colorful butterflies
In the smile from the innocent newborn,
In the pitter-patter, tiny drops of the rain
In the ripples of the lotus and lily pond
In the dense fog of the morning mist
In the sudden bloom of a vibrant red rose
In the silvery rays from the night crescent
In the gentle dew drops topping the grasses
I’ve found myself, never to be lost again


Amidst the time of Pandemic,
And being at home 24/7,
The stress and depression made me forget who I was,
But I have found my Peace in writing,
About my deepest dark secrets,
And the fictions that I create,
I’ve found myself again,
Because of the hobby that I reminisced in pain!



I’ve found myself,
After a lot of struggle.
But at the end of itself,
Got to know me well.
You were all I needed in life.
I wanted you to thrive.
But you had only pain to provide.
Your absence taught me to live.
I broke the cage, spread my wings to glide.
The journey wasn’t a piece of ease.
But, today my heart is at peace,
like a wind in breeze.


I feel like I am lost somewhere,
In between the urban lifestyle
Running running running,
Not even in fixed direction.
In the meanwhile, trip to hill station
Melting as a snow
Flowing as a river,
Scattered as the greenery
Roaming with the air,
Heals each life as golden sunbeams,
Which I lost somewhere,
Found myself again.


I have found myself in the vast stretches of meadows,
Relaxing and knowing me more;
I am beautiful even in shadows,
I don’t need to hide myself anymore. 
The blue hue of the streams, 
Has adored me and taught me how to flow,
How to break the stony hurdles,
And give a radiant glow.
So now that I have found my true self,
In the lap of nature;
I don’t want anything else
Other than the psyche of aesthetic pleasure.


I’ve found myself
Across the mountains,
Across the sea,
By everywhere I go,
I’ll never fit in.
Having no where to go,
Sadness succumbs me.
People surrounding me,
Loneliness embraces me.
Yet I travel,
Land on a place
Animals surround me.
This is where I belong.



You wonder and wonder in pondering aromatherapy
What it is to be a self in this world of ripples
You take every becoming as condiments
To make yourself newness and surprises delectably
Hoping with craving faith to serve you a long time
You find you like Layers of soil as choicest onions
You cry yourself to Joy or to Resilience
That moment, right there!
You strike the Universe’s smiling cord
It smiles and weans you for the biggest wins
Beyond every yearning for all Seasons
Then in fulfillment you say “I have found myself”.


I found myself,
When I sat in solitude,
As I spoke to myself,
And woke up the real me.
I found myself,
When I started to write.
As I traveled deep into myself,
To get to know myself better.
I found myself,
Through my pen and words,
As I wrote about being myself,
Just myself, you see.


I’ve found myself
Yet again
From the deep recesses of
my unseen being
Lost in the maze of being found
I repeatedly lost myself
Today I have discovered
the undiscovered me
which was lost in the maze of
existence and survival

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