You overthink when things go wrong; you overthink when things go right. You overthink when there are things to think about, you overthink when there is nothing at all.
All those nights you’ve spent huddled under your blanket, crying your eyes to sleep only to wake up next morning with puffy eyes and a fake smile. All the pain you’ve caused yourself by simply thinking and all the opportunities you’ve let go because you thought too much!! All your insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears and all your faith, fulfilments and triumphs!
All of this makes you!!
This disease gives you wings but also holds you back in heavy chains. You’re tied to your fears; yet your fear makes you fly. You hate small talk and superficial connections, because you dig deeper. You mirror what others feel, because you’re a mirror yourself. Open and incapable of hiding yourself. Yet you try to hide. You cover yourself in layers of humour, laughter, and undying chatter that basically gives nothing away.
You not only overthink, but you also over protect yourself. You protect your soul. You know how very shattering attachment can be; so, you detach. You run away and you hide. And then one day, you burst like an overfilled balloon.
But even then, you burst in solitude. You cry yourself to sleep under a blanket and repeat the same cycle over and over again! You do not get out. You do not scream. You just let your pain reverberate and echo within your body.
You meticulously plan your decisions and lies. You see, you foresee, you over-see, you assume. The math of your life is perfect; but hardly dependent on facts because you simply hide behind your excuses.
You think you’re exhausting but hey, do you understand you’re exhaustive too? You can’t waste your energies in thinking so much that you have none left when you actually have to do something. You’ve to learn to be spontaneous in a few situations. You’ve to stop being in denial of your feelings, fears and attachments.
Don’t beat yourself up for doing something that felt right in the moment. Because, sometimes, the experience is bigger than the right and wrong. You may never stop overthinking after all, but you can at least ensure that it doesn’t deprive you from happiness in order to avoid pain!!
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Categories: Reading Nook