To The Toxic One,

We never really talked about the pain and anger that you gave me. And believe me, we don’t even need to. Because, there is no point in reliving the crap that happened or remembering all the ill things you said and did to me.

We have had a long journey together and you have been a tremendous part of my life, so it’s going to be really hard to let that go. But I need to let it go, for you as well as for me. Yes, I’ve neither forgotten nor forgiven what you said or did. Sometimes I do still think about it but I simply let it go because I do not want to waste my time and energy to think about those hurtful moments. I know it was horrible and you know it too!!

Our conversations made me tired as I used all my brain power on the issues you wanted me to fix for you. I’ve fallen behind on my own responsibilities and relationships spending so many hours thinking about your life more than mine.
Your ego might not let you accept your fault or let you apologize. But who cares??

Your anger and resentment did make me sad for a long time. And I was shocked that the love that was supposed to take my breath away and make me feel butterflies in my stomach, turned out to be nothing like I’d imagined. I was terrified but now with passing time, my wounded self has healed itself. And I have finally found the most precious things your toxicity sucked out of me: Self-love, Self-Respect and Peace.

I held onto the negative things for long but after a while, I realized that it wasn’t hurting you at all. Rather it was just destroying me!! So now I forgive you just for me, not for you. And I forgive you because I remember. I remember that you brought memories and emotions that made me feel alive at a certain point of time. Yes, it did hurt when you said we wouldn’t be good together, but it hurt so much more when I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough for you.

I don’t think I will ever forget what happened. But I will make sure that it doesn’t stay in my head for more than a second.

They say people change with time and I hope you do too…. But always for the best so that when we meet again, we don’t fight, don’t blame and don’t cry all over again..

Peace and Love,

Shivangi Kharbanda

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